The Halftime Report

Oh what I would do to have

The kind of faith it takes 

To climb out of this boat I'm in

Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone

Into the realm of the unknown where Jesus is

And He's holding out His hand

But the waves are calling out my name 

And they laugh at me

Reminding me of all the times 

I've tried before and failed

The waves they keep on telling me

Time and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!"

"You'll never win!"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story

The voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"

The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

"Voice of Truth" Casting Crowns

This Christmas Eve I had the rare pleasure of seeing my favorite football team play at their stadium. To truly understand what a gift this was, I'll explain that one of my best friends won club seating tickets for this game, and our seats were halfway up this particular section, right in line with the 50 yard line. To say that I was excited, is a gross understatement. Upon realizing that my team, the division AND conference leader, would be playing a team who is last in our division and 13th in the conference (can you tell I'm a football girl?) I was even more excited. Not only do I get to go to the game, sit in fabulous seats, but I get to see my team completely obliterate the other team!! SWEET!! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME!!!

Except that anyone who saw the 1:00PM game between the Patriots (sorry Steeler fans...my home is in Massachusetts) and the Dolphins knows that is not how it started out. Fresh off of clinching the playoff seat and division title, the Patriots spent the entire first half of that game down by 17 points; not only that, but they had yet to even score once. Both the offense and the defense were pretty weak and we barely kept possession of the ball (like I said, BIG football fan). 

As I watched this game, I couldn't help but wonder who these men were that were running up and down the field. I had on many occasions watched the Patriots play from the comfort of my living room; unless the magic of television is more than I expected, I had never seen them play so badly against a team so....um...(how do I put this nicely?) not on par. Yeah, that works. 

It was almost like they forgot who they were.

THANK GOD FOR HALFTIME!!! I don't pretend to know what their head coach said to them in the locker room (him...not so big a fan of) but whatever it was worked. The second half of that game was comeback defined. They scored 17 points in the 3rd quarter and 10 points in the 4th for the win. All in all, AWESOME GAME!!

Now, what does that have to do with God? For the most part, all of my previous blog posts have been almost like mini sermons, and I assure you this one will be no different. 1 Kings 18 is known as the Contest on Mount Carmel. To set this story up, a wicked man named Ahab was ruling as king of Israel and he decided it would be a great idea to set up alters to gods other than THE God. Ahab's "god" was Baal. Elijah was a prophet of the true God. One day in the middle of this massive drought, God decides He's going to have some fun proving Himself and sends Elijah to tell Ahab that He will be sending rain soon. So here's the contest: Elijah + God vs. 450 prophets of Baal + (insert inanimate statue of Baal here). The prophets of Baal do everything they can to "pray" to their "god" that he would make it rain. Elijah pokes fun at them and has them scream louder to "wake their god up" (that had to be funny to see). This did pretty much nothing....obviously. Then comes Elijah - he has them water down his alter and build a trench around it and fill that with water. This thing was good and drenched. One prayer to God and immediately the alter was engulfed in flames. YAY!! God wins!!! And just because God likes to show off, even the water in the trench was gone. Nice touch. The people who had been watching this immediately fell on their faces and declared the Lord the true God and went on a rampage and killed all the prophets of Baal. All in all, I'd say Elijah had a good day at the office. Score one for the God team.

Not long after this, Ahab's wife get's ticked off...very ticked off and sends Elijah a message that he is as good as dead. Uh oh. Fresh off that very literal and spiritual victory, Elijah pretty much forgets everything he's seen and heads for the hills to hide in a cave.

How often are we like that? We go to an awesome conference, we see a miracle we weren't expecting we get a great word from a pastor, we're on a spiritual high and everything seems amazing. And then, we get a diagnosis of cancer, we get fired from a job, we lose a house, someone we love dies, someone walks out on a marriage..."reality" happens and we're left to wonder...

Jeremiah 1:5 says "Before I formed you in your mother's womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." That can be really hard to believe when you forget who you are. When you look around and you don't see how you can make it to tomorrow, seeing yourself as a "prophet to the nations" can be more than a bit of a stretch. So we go hide in a cave. We forget all of the things God has done for us, in us and through us that have brought us from where we were and we hide. 

THANK GOD FOR HALFTIME!!

Remember that monkey from the Lion King? He's a lot like the head coach. Rafiki's purpose, in part, was to remind Simba who he was - a child of the king. That title came with both privileges and responsibilities. And while yes, the past can hurt, what hurts more is forgetting who you are and running from what you were destined to be. 

So, to sum up, remember that while you still have breath in your lungs, you still have playing time left of the field. This game is far from over and there is still work to do. Whether you are 52 or 25 it's still only halftime.  Don't let your past keep you from playing. Don't let the fact that you can't see how you can get to the end zone keep you from running towards it. Remember the Head Coach is the only voice of truth and He sees the big picture and He is the one that tells you who you are and helps you know how to play. There's a lot of time left of the clock...

...let's show these guys how it's done.

Letter to My Friend

I'm not exactly sure how to start this post. I should be working on my sermon for the worship conference (it's less than two weeks away now), but I feel like something is blocking me. Everyone is asleep, I'm not tired and I definitely have the time to do it in this moment, but, I feel the need to take care of something first. 

I need to encourage you.

While I do have a particular someone in mind, I think this will encourage more than just my friend. So, if life is going your way or everything is falling apart, if you're thrilled, depressed, happy, sad or just plain worn out, I hope you'll read this with an open mind and an open heart. God might just use it to say something to you.

One of my all time favorite verses in the Bible is Philippians 1: 6 which says, "...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." We have a not-so-slight tendency sometimes to get bogged down by the mistakes in our past and the skeletons in our closets. Sometimes, we busy ourselves by doing things that might feel good or make sense in the moment, but we know won't make us happy or profit our eternal future. Often, we do it because we don't know how to handle the weight of all we carry. 

Thank God for repentance and forgiveness!! 1 John 1:9 says, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness." But, we don't forgive like that, do we? Because of that, we sometimes forget that God isn't like us and doesn't keep throwing our mistakes in our faces over and over again. 

Helen Baylor, an AMAZING Gospel/Christian recording artist, sang a song YEARS ago that I still remember to this day:

"Into the Sea of Forgetfulness You've placed all of my sin

Though I'm the one who keeps reminding You over and over again

Into the Sea of Forgetfulness

As far as the East from the West

Seventy times seven You've forgiven me

And You keep cleansing me

And placing my sins, into the Sea of Forgetfulness

How awesome is that?!! We serve a God who loves us enough to have gone to the cross, paid our debts and promised us (in Romans 8:1) that "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."

So why don't we believe it?

We kinda act like a dog with his tail between his legs. But, that's not how God intended for us to receive this amazing gift He's given us. Everything God has done for us - and continues to do - He did (and does) out of His immeasurable love for all of us. We are incapable in our own strength of deserving or earning that love. Don't feel badly about that, because that's just the way it is. We were born having a sinful nature into a sinful world. Instead, let the love we have FREELY been given at great cost inspire you and fuel you to live in Godliness. You can not do it on your own. If you did, you wouldn't need God. And, God knows that - hence the Holy Spirit. God has made a way for us to have a way to both read AND walk in His Word which just happens to be a blueprint for His divine plan for our lives. 

So be encouraged!

You may have messed up. You may have made mistakes. Maybe you're paying for them now in ways you didn't want to (yes...I am talking to you, dearie...love you - mean it!). But, God's love is bigger than all that. He's big enough to handle your sin. He's big enough to forgive you. And He's big enough and gracious enough and merciful enough to help you get to the place He called you to be. If you're constantly looking backwards, you can't see what's in front of you - that's a good way to fall down. Look forward! If you're following Jesus, walking behind Him and in His footsteps will surely take you to the place He wants you to be. 

*I love you, my dear friend, my family. Stay blessed.*

~Monique

More Than A Song

"I'll bring You more than a song, for a song in itself is not what You have required. You search much deeper within, through the way things appear. You're looking into my heart."

Heart of Worship - Matt Redman

This evening something happened to me that I need to write about. Before I get into exactly what happened, I'll tell you how I felt about it: angry. No...that's way too small a word. My ears got hot. My hairs stood on end. I had a mix of righteous indignation and personal affront the likes of which I haven't seen in awhile. In short, I was royally ticked off. 

Someone in my life had the audacity to call worship noise.

I don't think they meant to - well, they did mean noise. They argued over the amps. The cymbals and drums. The guitars. Anything that was basically not an organ. "It's too noisy. I've walked out of places like that before. Churches appeared so nice before then all that noise and I didn't even make it into the sanctuary." My thought? Okay...contemporary Christian worship isn't for everyone. If you want something more traditional, that's fine. Go where you can get it. BUT, don't call the rest of it noise!!! Okay...Psalm 98:4 says, "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord all the earth...." but somehow, I don't think that's what this person meant. 

"It's not noise", I said. "It is noise", they scoffed back (and I do mean scoff...they kinda had a smug look about them when they did). It went back and forth with me defending the music of this generation and this person calling it noise and nothing more than that. Finally, I jumped to my feet and exasperatedly declared, "Okay...we can not have this conversation. It is not noise. It is worship! If you don't like it - fine! Don't go! But I can NOT have this conversation with you because I am so passionate about worship that it is in every fiber of my being. This means as much to me as autism. It's that important. We just can't talk about this anymore."

And with that, I walked away. I mean they had insulted worship!!! My worship!!! Hadn't they?

The dictionary defines worship as "reverent honor and homage paid to God or a sacred personage or to any object regarded as sacred". Huh...that's interesting. Understand this: I grew up with AMAZING worship leaders who fully understood the need for a Sunday morning corporate worship as an act of honoring God. There is a way that music connects the presence of God to His people with music in a way unlike any other. The Psalms are full of evidence of just this fact. But, as far as we know, David didn't have electric guitars or Bethel Live, or 14 different kinds of drum of amplifiers or keyboards. And yet, David is regarded as being "a man after God's own heart.". 

So where does that leave my anger? 

In some ways, I think I was right to be so offended. The church in particular that this person was talking about is a very wonderful place and some of the people on the worship team are people I know and respect. They love God with all their hearts and their lives are the act of worship, not just the music they play on Sunday morning. So, when, in an act of obedience, they play a music that facilitates the ushering in of the presence of God that allows the changing of lives, it is a wonderful thing. Period.

This is not to say that the presence of God is limited to the particular sound of the contemporary or gospel worship team. Matthew 18:20 says, "For, where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am with them." God is after hearts. That's what He wants on Sunday morning.  Not noise or not-noise. But true worshipers. That's what God is looking for everyday.

That's why my anger was also, in part, uncalled for. 

I wasn't being attacked. And, as a beautiful and lovely friend pointed out to me (for which I owe her one million hugs), the calling of God on my life as a worshiper is not invalidated because someone doesn't understand what worship is (and believe me when I say, I don't think this person gets it). So, as I prepare my sermon for the worship conference at which I have been asked to speak (did I forget to mention that?), I will remember that if my heart is to remain in the heart of worship, then it doesn't matter who says what or who understands what. After all...

"It's all about You. It's all about You, Jesus. I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it, when it's all about You. It's all about You, Jesus."

Words of a Father

Yesterday evening, I had the great pleausre of hearing one of my spiritual heroes, Lou Engle, preach. The message was incredible and many lives, mine included, were changed because of the presence of God that fell our time together. But this posting is not about the core of that message, though I'm sure at a latter date there will be one. This is about a statement he made that was pretty isolated against the backdrop of his major topic.

"The role of the father [biological or otherwise] is to call forth destiny." 

Wow. I have to admit, I've never thought about it like that. What an awesome responsibility fathers have! And yet, I can't help but think of how many blow it. That might be pretty blunt, but it's also pretty true. There are not a lot of things I agree with Dr. Phil on (ok...at the moment I can think of one) but one of his catchprases regarding children is that we, as parents (or other important individuals for that matter) "write on the slate of who they are."

What are we writing?

I have literally seen/heard fathers tell their children that they are stupid, that they are screw ups; I've seen men demean and ridicule their children in the presence of other people. I can't help but wonder what that does to those children - the sons especially. I'd imagine it makes them feel worthless, useless, stupid and a myriad of other emotions. What kind of destiny do those fathers call into their children? Likely one that says, "you never were anything and you'll never be anything....you are a mistake."

I'm not saying that's what the fathers intend to speak into existance, but very often it happens. Words are powerful. They can lift you up or cut you down. And a simple "I'm sorry" doesn't always fix it....sometimes, a simple "I'm sorry" isn't offered either.

One of my favorite passages of scripture is Genesis 1:27 that tells us that we were made "in the image of God." Those are pretty powerful words as well! When we think of God - the one true Christian God, mind you - the first word that should come to mind is love. Over and over we read and hear those words. God is love. 1 Chorinthians 13 gives a pretty complete picture of what love looks like. What destiny would kindness call forth? What destiny would not easily angered call forth? How about not rude? Or patience?

Why ask all these questions? Simple. The answer to that can be found in Matthew 6:9 "This, then, is how you should pray, Our Father in Heaven, hallowed be Your Name."

Our Father

God is our Father. Galatians 4:6 says, "Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of His Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, 'Abba, Father.'" Similarly, Romans 8:15-16 says, "For you did not recieve a spirit that makes you a slave to fear, but you recieved the spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry, 'Abba, Father'. The Spirit Himself testifies with our Spirit that we are God's children." 

We are God's children.

So, to you who have maybe had a false destiny written on the slate of your hearts, remember that you were made in the image of your Heavenly Daddy. His fingerprints are on your DNA. You look like Him. So when you want to know what your destiny is or what your future looks like, go to the One who wrote the story in the first place. God does not make mistakes. If you are here, than there is a divine reason for it.

The role of your Father is to call forth your destiny. Your destiny is waiting for you. My challenge to you today is to spend some time letting your Heavenly Daddy speak into you and find out just what that destiny is.

And to the special someone who inspired this blog (and any other special someones who might need the reminder), remember always that you are not what your father has spoken over you. You were made in the image of the King of Kings. You were crafted with thought and precision. You were made with purpose and intent. You are not a failure. You are not a screw up. Give God permission to erase the words that have broken you for so long and write new words of love and affirmation on your heart. When the Daddy that matters sees you, He smiles. God smiles because when He finished making you, even knowing that you would have human flaws, He looked at you and said, the same thing He said when He made the rest of creation....

"It is good."


~Mo

Dream On!

NOTE: This started as a blog Friday morning about 7:15 AM. My screen froze and I wasn't able to post it. Now that I remember, I'm doing so....but that should explain the discrepancy in time frame. lol


God woke me up this morning. Early. Normally, I wouldn't mind, but for the fact that I have been sick and fully intended to sleep until at least 9:30. But when it became obvious that He had something for me to say and would not stop divinely poking at me (despite my literal utterances of "five more minutes....PLEASE!") until I got up to write this blog, I figured do it and head back to my precious pillow.


That being said =)


Today we're going to talk more about dreams - you know, those pesky little deep desires of your heart that seem too big to accomplish. I think sometimes as Christians, we don't want to think about our dreams. Very often it appears that we are at the center of our dreams - and most of the time we are right. But consider some scripture for a moment:

Jeremiah 1:5 - Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart, I appointed you as a prophet among nations. 


and later...


Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.


I realize I may have used these before, but, unless the sickness is really getting to me, the point I will be making is different this time. 


I've spent a lot of my life trying to ignore my dreams and do what was proper or expected of me. I've quieted the urges I have,  I've even tried to cast them into the pit believing them to be a distraction. I'd look for a prophetic word trying to make sure that everything I was running away from and everything I was urging myself towards was "the right thing". But no such word ever came.


Then one day I asked a pastor friend of mine who I have looked up to since I was about 5 years old what he thought the reason for that might be. He told me this: "Monique, I love you and so I'm going to tell you the truth. Prophetic words are for people who genuinely have no idea what they're supposed to do or where they're supposed to go next. That's not your problem. You've always known what it is God wants you to do. Now you just have to act on it. You never received a prophetic word, because you never needed one." I walked away not knowing what to feel and it would be years before I knew what he was talking about.


My life scripture is Psalms 37:4 which says, "delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." But dreams? Really? And then this year I understood that verse in a whole new way. A wonderful friend of mine told me of a sermon she heard in which the pastor was talking about dreams. She told me that in this sermon, he spoke of the dreams that are nagging and overwhelming and how sometimes they are like whispers or prophecies from God into our hearts directing us and pointing us towards the future He has for us. 


That makes so much sense! Especially since I like to think of my life scripture as this: align yourself with the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. When you are aligned with God, His desires for you become your desires for your life. He wants to give you your dreams because He put them there in the first place.


So dream on! As Genesis 1:27 tells us, we are made in the very image of the Creator God....and there is NO bigger dreamer than He!


*can I go to bed now, God? thanks....zzzzzzzzzzz.......*

Fear of the Monkey Bars

Yesterday, I took my four children to one of the many local parks in the area. We had a fantastic time and I greatly enjoyed watching them play. As is usually the case, I learned something about me and about God through an interaction I had with one of my children concerning the monkey bars. These particular monkey bars were pretty high, and my 8 year old son, Kameron, is  not the height of an 8 year old so this was especially scary for him. I let him hold on to the bars and I held onto his legs and told him to push himself forward (Melody, my dear dear friend, you already see where this is going, don't you?)

He reached for the first one, success! The second and third he did with little problem. But by the fourth, his arms were getting tired and he started realizing how high up he was. "Don't worry, Kami, I've got you! Mommy's here and she's not gonna let you fall." Forward one more and then he stops. "All done!!!" (Kameron, has autism, and with that comes a pretty significant language delay...that will make this make a little more sense). "No, baby, I've got you. Keep going." But Kameron doesn't want to keep going. He is trapped in his fear. "Get down now!!" Even though he can see clearly what is in front of him - the other side of the monkey bars - his fear kept him from getting to the end.

Sometimes life can be a lot like getting stuck on monkey bars. God will often call on us to trust Him and in His promises to us. But trust is hard! And it's not always the unknown that we fear, but what we see God doing right in front of us that paralyzes us and stops us from moving forward.

Romans 8:28 assures us that, "all things work together for good for those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." That is a promise that should allow us the ability to take a sigh of relief. But very often our lack of faith keeps us from taking the leap and trusting God fully. We make ourselves vulnerable to Him...but only a little and the things we truly desire we keep so close to the vest we dare not take them to the throne.

Fear is a very powerful force and it did not come from God (For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7) . But the grace we have from God is that when fear takes hold of our lives and prevents us from moving forward in His will, we can call on Him for help and by His grace and love He does just that.

"For  you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave to again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by Him we cry, 'Abba, Father'." Romans 8:15


The same way I had my son and wouldn't let him fall, God holds us in His hand. When we get scared, we cry out to Him for strength and help and because He is our Father, that help is granted.

So to any of you who are dangling on that fourth or fifth bar and seeing what's in front of you, go for it! This I write more for myself than anyone reading it. Trust that God has you - your dreams, your destiny, your future, your life - in His arms. Press forward and don't let go until you've reached the end. Press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called YOU Heavenward in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:14).


Dear God, 


I gave you my dreams as You asked and some of them are already coming true. As I thank You for that, please help me to remember that Your arms are around me and as long as I stay with You, Your hand will keep me from falling. Help me to move forward towards the end I see so clearly, and help me to get ready along the way. 


In Your name I pray,
Amen


~Monique~

Dreams and Rich Mullins

Today is going to be a little different....again. I'm sure I'll find a verse at some point during this blog to share, but mostly I will be quoting a song by one of my favorite Christian artists of all time, the late Rich Mullins.

"You who live in Heaven hear the prayers of those who live on Earth
Who are afraid of being left by those we love and who get hardened in the hurt
Do you remember when You lived down here where we all scrape
To find the faith to ask for daily bread?
Did You forget about us after You had flown away?
Well I memorized every word You said
Still I'm so scared I'm holding my breath
While You're up there just playing hard to get."

Days as of late have been a little bit of a rough for me. I don't do vulnerability very well - with my friends family or God. I have made an art out of letting people think they're closer to me than they are, know me better than they do, and see more for who I am when they couldn't be further from the truth. To be honest I have loved it because it allowed me to control my role in the lives of the people around me....not the best way to cultivate relationshps but it worked for me...or so I thought.

And then a good friend of mine gave me this verse John 16:24 Until now you have not asked for anything in My name. Ask and you will recieve and your joy will be complete. Really? Huh...

I started to realize how many dreams I was hiding from God...or thought I was hiding from God. Dreams I held so tightly in my fists that they started to leave marks on my wounded heart. I don't say that to be poetic - however it might sound - I say that because in many ways I grew up feeling very broken. My dreams seemed to be the purest pieces of me and I was not willing to share them with anyone. So much of who I am has been criticized or mocked as I grew up - my height, my weight, the fact that I talk "too much"...I couldn't let anyone see the deepest desires of my soul just so they could destroy those too! So I kept them all to myself hoping that they would stay in my glass jars, bittersweet reminders of things I always wanted, but would never be. So for someone to tell me to pray for the things I really really REALLY want? "Still I'm so scared I'm holding my breath..." yeah...I don't think so, God.

But, against everything my nature tells me, I started praying for three things, three very simple but very important things to my heart. I prayed without my normal hindered feelings of doubt and unbelief and I wholeheartedly trusted God to come through for me. As it turns out, these three things had a sort of time frame to them so I would know  within a certain amount of time if my prayers were to be answered or not - at least the way I wanted them to be.

"And I know You bore our sorrows, and I know You feel our pain
And I know it would not hurt any less even if it could be explained
And I know that I am only lashing out at the One who loves me most
And after I have figured this somehow, all I really need to know....."


From that I suppose you can guess that I "didn't get" what I prayed for when I wanted it.

"If You who live in Eternity hear the prayers of those of us who live in time
We can't see what's ahead and we can not break free of what we've left behind."

This was so different for me. In this moment, I've been tempted to (and sometimes did) ask "why not, God? I did what You asked! Why couldn't I at least have one? Just one? They weren't selfish prayers..just small little things I wanted that would have in the end helped me help other people....now what?"

"I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ear
All these words of shame and doubt, blame and regret
I can't see how You're leading me unless  you've led me here
To where I'm lost enough to let myself be led"


So now what? Do I go back to who I was before, denying everything I know about the plans God has for me? Do I question everything I truly feel He's been showing or saying to me lately just because the deadline came and I'm still here? No...I guess not. Why? Simple...I'm still here. I don't know what God is doing or why I'm in a place that I don't really know where I'm going. But I am going to offer up my dreams to the Artist who painted them on my soul, I'm not going to take them back because I've yet to see where they'll be displayed. Who I am...who I am created to be is a work in progress with dreams and hopes that were whispered in my ear by the Creator as I was being created. In Jeremiah 1:5, God tells us, "Before I formed you in your mother's womb I knew you, before  you were born I set you apart." If my faith is growing as I say it is, it will not falter now because I didn't get what I wanted. It stands firm knowing that my Father, my Abba, my Daddy can see the finish line even though I'm still running this race. He has my best interest at heart and my dreams - the dreams HE gave me will come true when the time is right.

"...and so You've been here all along, I guess. It's just Your way and You are just playing hard to get..."


*thanks for the reminder, Rich*

Goodnight World....dream BIG!
~Mo

Philippians 1:6 "Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus

The Voice of the Captain

Two things: first off, I know I tend to start these off with a verse, but I don't know which one I'm going to use yet. In fact, the story that I'm about to tell, I didn't even realize was a blog post until I was halfway done telling an amazing friend of mine (thanks, Melly) about what I thought would be something else entirely. Second, I was going to write another blog first, so be expecting that one coming in the next day or two.

Now that that's settled.....

My life lately has been a bit of a whirlwind. God has been doing a lot in me, through me and around me that's left my head spinnng. On Friday, I started telling a friend of mine about how I'm now in a position where I really feel like I'm sinking into whatever it is God has for me, but it's a good feeling - kinda like Tabayana Beach sand....oh but you don't know about that.

So here's the story I told my friend.

Last year my aunt and I went on a cruise with one of my cousins. We were having a fabulous time and preparing for one of our stops which was to be in Hondouras. I don't know if you have ever been but I was a little nervous at first because all the pictures I had ever seen of Hondouras were of people and their mission trips. So as we're preparing for the coming day, the voice of the captain comes over the loudspeaker (I literally said the voice of the captain; I didn't realize at the time how prophetic that would come to be), "When you get to Hondouras, make sure you get an excursion package to go to one of the other beaches. The one where we dock is called called "the ugly beach" by the locals. I know you won't believe me, but trust me you'll understand when you get there. Get a package." We figured it was a sales pitch but planned to go on an excursion anyway so decided to get an excursion package to a beach called Tabayana.

We dock and the place where we are is gorgeous. There is a steel drum band, lots of shopping and a beautiful picturesque beach off to the side. I'm a little annoyed. "This is the ugly beach? Really? I could have saved my money for shopping and just stayed here!" Then we find the bus tour guide. "Believe me, you don't want to stay here, where we are going is much much better. Let's get on the bus." We get on the bus and go for one of the hardest bus rides of the whole trip. We go through sad villages, poor towns and the road is not very kind to the bus. While I'm hoping the journey is worth it, I can't help but think of what we left behind. (Oh, THAT'S the verse I'm supposed to use! I'll wait for the end....)

Finally and at long last we arrive at Tabayna and oh my word the Voice of the Captain (see what I did there?) was right. He had seen what was ahead of me and told me to go to the right place. Tabayana is Eden beautiful. The sand is like baby powder. You can be covered in it and not feel it. The water is beautifully blue and the sky is amazing. There were less people at this hidden treasure as though it were some big secret. The food was incredible, the water was warm, it was peaceful and serene.

And yet I almost missed it.

Very often in life we are tempted to ignore the Voice of the Captain because we don't know where the Tour Guide of the Holy Spirit is taking us. Sometimes we see what's around us and think, "But it's so pretty here!!! Why would I leave?" Our attitude can often make the journey difficult and sometimes the things we have to endure along the way make the road hard to travel on.

But when we finally reach our destination we get it. We understand that everything was worth it. Truly, as beautiful as the beach was before, by comparison it was ugly. I want my life to be like that. I want to live as though I'm following the Tour Guide to Tabayana. The Captain has been here before. He knows where the journey ends even though I haven't started it yet. Because of that I am going to trust that where He is taking me is bigger and brighter and better than where  I am now.

After all....

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to propser you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

Until next time...
~Mo

"You Make Me Want to be Brave"

So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was 
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave...brave


Nichole Nordeman "Brave"


I've been struggling lately. I've been feeling as though I know what God wants me to do, but I look around me and I feel so...stuck in my life that I have no idea how any of that is going to happen. So what is the first thing I do? I start questioning.

"God is that Your voice?" "Did I hear right?" "Maybe this is me." Doubt sets in and fear takes hold and I stay exactly where I was...stuck. I look for confirmation from those I consider to be important and when I don't get it I feel small. "Hm...they didn't notice me. Maybe I was meant to be ordinary. Maybe I was meant to stay here."

Jeremiah 1:5 says Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet of the nations."


That has always resonated with me. But I felt so....small because I felt that people would look at me as though I were trying to be something I wasn't. Like Jeremiah, I felt insecure in what God was and is doing in me and apparently has been doing in me for the past 15 years. "But the Lord said to me "Do not say, 'I am too young [or as I was thinking, small and unimportant].' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord. Jeremiah 1:7-8.


I am no Jeremiah. But then, I wasn't created to be. I was created to be Monique Cherie' Comedy-Bousquin with all the passions, gifting, destiny and calling that God instilled in me since before my conception. Everything in my life has lead me to this moment. And now that it is here, I want to be brave. I want to stop being stuck in what I am not enough to do. I want to stop telling God what my inadequacies are because even if they are, it is His job to correct that.

Right before my mother died, my (literal) brother from another mother (aka, my half brother) Durell and I were talking. I told him that I just KNEW God wouldn't take her because He KNEW I couldn't handle losing her. He told me this, "You know, Mo, I love you. And I pray your mom gets well. But don't ever question or doubt how strong the God in you is or what the two of you can handle. I hope she gets better, but if she doesn't, the God in you is big enough to make you ok." As hard as losing her was, he was right.

So now begins a new day. Now begins the time of my destiny. I don't need 50 prophets, 37 confirmations 16 fleeces and a fiery neon sign from Heaven telling me which way to go. I know the voice of my Father and I know what it is He has for me to do. It is written on the very fiber of my being.


 All I have to do is walk in it.

Song(s) for Today --- Part 1

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.


Isaiah 40:30-31


Two of my favorite "toys" are my blackberry and my bluetooth. It really isn't that I'm hugely into technology as much as I'm HUGELY into music and my bluetooth allows me to listen to the the music of my choosing and not the TV shows of my children's choosing. 


*Fred Hammond or Dora? Yeah....that's hard*


This has been an incredibly good thing lately because I have not been feeling very patient lately. I'm okay with the people around me...but circumstances....that is another matter entirely. I have been telling myself, "if we can just get through the next month, three weeks, two weeks, ten days everything we've been expecting will be here and we can take care of all things around us that need fixing" (yeah....100 year old house....fun stuff).


I find myself constantly stressing and checking the dates and waiting as if my sitting here impatiently is going to do any good. So I've developed a bit of a playlist to calm me down when things get a little uptight for me.


Fred Hammond - They That Wait


Not entirely unlike the verse quoted above, this song reminds me to calm down and "hold on a little while longer" because it will all be okay. One of my favorite things to tell people is this: it might not be easy, but it is simple. Waiting on God is a lot like that. It requires a trust that He will work things out for you regardless of what circumstances look like because that is what we were promised (Romans 8:28 - And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.) Speaking of which, that brings me to another song on my playlist.


Israel Houghton - Everywhere That I Go


This guy will probably get quoted a lot on here because I LOVE his music and I LOVE his story and his passion for worship is just awesome. This is a song I will listen to literally 6 or 7 times in a row just to be sure it sinks in. 


*for the record, the lyrics I'm posting here should be attributed the the artists I'm talking about just beforehand.* 


"You promised me you'd never leave. You promised me I'm never forsaken. I believe goodness and mercy will follow me surrounding me, where I go, everywhere that I go."


That isn't always easy to remember. I once thought about how easy it is for Christians to believe that God created all that's in existence, parted the Red Sea and raised Jesus from the dead but believing Him to come through with things like bills and sick family members is just too much. That must sound so ludicrous to Him!!! "Yeah, God, I know You made manna fall from the sky for the Israelites but this is my car note God!!! Can you handle that? Cause I'm just not so sure...." *blank stare* "Really....I made you...out of nothing....Yeah...think I can handle that...and your electric bill." And yet our faith falters any time things look rough. But the promise that we have is that goodness and mercy will follow us...from the God who made us out of...well...nothing. That should inspire at least a little bit of confidence, don't you think?


Jonathan Nelson - Bettah


"My praise causes things to look bettah. It loosens and breaks every fetter. My faith is increased, new blessings released. My praise causes things to look bettah. My praise causes things to look bettah."


If you haven't done this yet you should. There is no better way then to get yourself out of a bad mood, bad space, bad time like worship. 2 Corinthians 10:4 tells us that the weapons we fight with are not of this world....they have the power to demolish strongholds. Worship is one of those weapons. I can't tell you - though I have many stories, some of which I might post here - how many times I have needed God to show up (side note, while we're talking about music, the song Show Up! by John P. Kee is incredibly encouraging in these times as well...honorable mention) that He has done so as a result of my obedience to worship...this next part is important - whether I felt like it or not (another honorable mention side note....Praise Him In Advance by Marvin Sapp....guess I'm really feeling like a gospel theme today)


I need to go be productive....so I will finish this later. One thing before I return to my children....a lesson I learned about God from an interaction with my son - that happens quite a bit.


My oldest was having a panic attack because he wanted to play a game on my laptop that needed updated to work properly. Because of the autism, he was having problems understanding this concept. So the laptop was next to me and he was in my face on my lap crying and screaming over this game. I kept trying to make him feel better and telling him I could help but he wouldn't listen or move out of the way so I could update the game. Finally, I made him look me directly in the eye and said, "Honey, Mommy can fix it. But I can't do anything if you won't let me."


So, while I'm waiting (which reminds me of a song I'll talk about next post), I'll remember that God has got everything under control. He sees what we need and knows when we need Him to show up. He's got everything figured out even when I don't. So, since that seems to be His specialty, I'll move out of the way. I can panic, I can scream, I can cry, I can freak out. But if I'm in His way, He can't move freely. I don't want to prevent Him from fixing what's wrong or doing what needs done. 




------> moving that way.


~ Monique

Mad at Me or Mad for Me?

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. And so He condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.


Romans 8:1-4


I haven't posted here in awhile and there's been a pretty good reason for that. Until about five minutes ago, I thought I didnt' have anything to say - a fact that would boggle the mind if you knew me. I talk - a lot. Pretty much all the time in fact. But just because you speak words doesn't mean you have anything to say. More on that  on a later date.

Over the past two months I've been reconnecting with two amazing friends of mine who I didn't realize knew me as well as they did. They see me for who I am, which includes the dreams I have that I thought I was hiding from the whole world - pretty well in fact. This reconnection, which was very much divinely appointed, has redirected the way I look at me, the way I know God and showed me that despite all my shortcomings, He isn't through with me yet (...being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. Phillippians 1:6).

So if this is true, why have I been stuck the past two weeks? The answer to that is simple. I forgot one of the most basic foundations of the Christian life. No condemnation. My husband and I have four children - the oldest was conceived while we were still engaged. He has fought (and beat) cancer, both obstructive and central sleep apnea (see what an over achiever he is?), and has been diagnosed with autism, ADHD and anxiety. Needless to say he can be a bit of a challenge. Every so often someone will insinuate that he has all these issues because God is punishing us for the date of his conception and while I KNOW that's not the God I serve, there are days that's really easy to forget. I know there are times I could pick up my Bible that I think, "God, I just spent four hours being screamed at....we can do this later. I need a minute." I get complacent.

...and then I get worried....


I wonder what I should have done differently and how I could have done things better. I think of all the ways I should clean up before going back so that when I present Him with the reasons and whys I'll be better received.

And then this morning, I'm listening to one of my favorite songs, Surely Goodness, sung by one of my favorite singers, Israel Hougton. In it he says, "Said You're not mad at me, no You're not mad at me. You're madly in love with me. You love me madly madly madly."

Huh....


So I guess I just go like this. Just start from here. I don't have to catch up on everything I've missed. I just...go.

At the beginning of Easter week my husband went to get my mother in law from the airport. When he found her, he called to report that he'd "picked up the package" which was my cue to put my kids on speaker phone. In walks my often emotional four year old daughter, Regan. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Regan, talk to Daddy.
Regan: Hi, Daddy!!
Daddy: Hi, Recee!! I have something for you! Wanna know what it is?
Regan: Ok! What is it?
(at this point we are interrupted by my very opinionated very bossy 3 year old daughter Taylor)
Taylor: You can't ask what it is!!!
*Regan cries*

It took me awhile to calm her down. Meanwhile, my husband and his mom are waiting to talk to Regan but can't because she's too upset to listen. Finally, as if prophetically I said this to her:

"Regan, your Daddy has something for you. I know you're upset right now but stop listening to everything out there and just ask him what it is."

All the noise, including the noise in my own head, has been keeping me from the things my Daddy has for me. Including the fact that we who are in Christ have no condemnation. As crazy as my life might be right now there are good things waiting for me.

I for one refuse to miss out on them.

Until next time.
~Monique

A First Time for Everything

Earlier today, someone who knows me well, suggested that I take my experiences, stories and wit (ok, I'll admit, I added that last one) and chronicle them in a blog. Two months ago I would have laughed. "I may talk a lot, but I really don't have anything to say." Turns out, that's not quite true. But more on that later.


I want to give this blog the respect it deserves so I will save my "real" first blog for later on tonight when I have my thoughts gathered and my Bible ready (this gives you fair warning that this is going to be one of those kinds of blogs). Until then, I will test this site out with something I wrote in October of 2007. 


Thanks for watching, and enjoy the show.


-Monique

I know I haven't blogged in a really long time. Ironically enough five months ago today (which I only realized by looking at the date box at the top of the screen). That I find kinda ironic. I had originally planned to make my return to the electronic canvas an update of the ongoings of my life since I last penned. But all of a sudden, as much as has happened, none of it seems more important than this very moment. 

On Sunday, Lee and I went to an Israel Houghton and New Breed concert with my brother, Brandon, and his wife (yaaaaaaaaay!!!) Erica. Obviously it was awesome. That pretty much goes without saying. So obviously I got the CD (how I didn't have it before then is beyond me. We are experienced "Israel-ians" so normally we get the new stuff within days of its release.) So here I am on the couch with my new baby girl and she's quietly watching me read A Deeper Level the book that chronicals the experiences that New Breed had while working on their newest project. The other three are upstairs sleeping so I had a rare moment to think about things other than The Wiggles and what I'd be making for dinner. 

That's when it hit me. A revelation that almost literally rocked the book (and the baby) from my hands." If you knew who you were, you would have never put down the tiara." Yeah, that one is gonna take some explaining. 

The song playing in the background was one by Chris Tomlin and Israel. Chourus simply: 

I know who I am 
I know who I am 
I know who I am 
I am Yours I am Yours 
And You are mine 
Jesus, You are mine 

When I was about 10 years old, I really struggled with the fact that my father essentially seemed completely indifferent to my very existance. My parents divorced when I was 15 months old and I didn't lay eyes on the man again until I was about 14 or 15. Everyone I knew did "the Christian thing" and told me that I didn't have to feel the void because God was my father. A thought I took completely for granted until I went to bed one night. 

I had this dream that I was this five year old little girl in the stereotypical pink party dress and I was running for all it was worth through this big hall in this huge apparent castle. I got to a set of double doors that reminds me of a scene out of Disney's Sleeping Beauty - complete with the funny looking guards with the dress looking things and the really long horns. They opened the door for me and immediately I ran into the arms of this giant man. He hugged me and tickled me and then sat me on his lap. From the side of his throne (I know I'm gonna take a lot of heat for this) he picked up a pink and purple present box. The tag said, "for my princess". Inside was this gorgeous tiara. On my head was a paper one. And without saying a word he took the old one and replaced it with the one from inside the box. And then he smiled at me and I woke up. 

And so I think about my life lately. Most of my days are spent in PJs or sweats. I can't remember the last time I wore makeup. And because you guys all know me, I won't even go there with the state of my hair. Am I promoting vanity? Not at all. But I think that when one goes so far as to just not care, there's a problem. 

I grew up in an amazing community of believers. I was very fortunate to gain the experiences I did. I belonged to a thriving church led by a great man of God. Our youth group was unstoppable and was spearheaded by one of the most compassionate and caring team of people to ever step foot on the earth. I know tons of rhetoric. I know what to say and when to say it. I know when to lift my hands and when to fall on my knees. But in this moment, I feel like I'm missing something. 

I don't know who I am 

As children of the King, it doesn't take a theologian to deduct how our Creator sees us. But more often than not, the things we do (and more importantly, the things we don't) make it blatently apparent that we really don't get it. I know if I got it, I would take more pride in my appearance. Too long I have had this "what's the point" feeling. He is the point. Do I really approach life as someone who was fearfully and wonderfully made? Hardly. And yet I take great care in the appearance of my own children. I don't even like them to play in the dirt in clothes that don't match. They don't even sleep in unmatched things. I do that because I love them. But that's not even close to being enough. If I really loved them as I say I do, I'd take better care of their caretaker - me. 

So I'm asking my friends today: do you know who you are? I'm not quite sure what this is going to mean for me. But it is something to think about. This much I do know: as a child of God - a would be princess - I don't think it was ever His intention for me to settle with rags. 

I'll be in touch.