So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave...brave
Nichole Nordeman "Brave"
I've been struggling lately. I've been feeling as though I know what God wants me to do, but I look around me and I feel so...stuck in my life that I have no idea how any of that is going to happen. So what is the first thing I do? I start questioning.
"God is that Your voice?" "Did I hear right?" "Maybe this is me." Doubt sets in and fear takes hold and I stay exactly where I was...stuck. I look for confirmation from those I consider to be important and when I don't get it I feel small. "Hm...they didn't notice me. Maybe I was meant to be ordinary. Maybe I was meant to stay here."
Jeremiah 1:5 says Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet of the nations."
That has always resonated with me. But I felt so....small because I felt that people would look at me as though I were trying to be something I wasn't. Like Jeremiah, I felt insecure in what God was and is doing in me and apparently has been doing in me for the past 15 years. "But the Lord said to me "Do not say, 'I am too young [or as I was thinking, small and unimportant].' You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the Lord. Jeremiah 1:7-8.
I am no Jeremiah. But then, I wasn't created to be. I was created to be Monique Cherie' Comedy-Bousquin with all the passions, gifting, destiny and calling that God instilled in me since before my conception. Everything in my life has lead me to this moment. And now that it is here, I want to be brave. I want to stop being stuck in what I am not enough to do. I want to stop telling God what my inadequacies are because even if they are, it is His job to correct that.
Right before my mother died, my (literal) brother from another mother (aka, my half brother) Durell and I were talking. I told him that I just KNEW God wouldn't take her because He KNEW I couldn't handle losing her. He told me this, "You know, Mo, I love you. And I pray your mom gets well. But don't ever question or doubt how strong the God in you is or what the two of you can handle. I hope she gets better, but if she doesn't, the God in you is big enough to make you ok." As hard as losing her was, he was right.
So now begins a new day. Now begins the time of my destiny. I don't need 50 prophets, 37 confirmations 16 fleeces and a fiery neon sign from Heaven telling me which way to go. I know the voice of my Father and I know what it is He has for me to do. It is written on the very fiber of my being.
All I have to do is walk in it.
